Alt Headlines

Here Come the Kamikazis, But They’re American, and They’re Drones

PG Newser – The Department of Defense is searching from some Marvins of the sky, that is, depressed robots, depressed robots willing to kill themselves.  Ok, so we’re really just talking about suicide drones, and the Department of Defense wants them, and they want them bigly. 
The National Interest Online – In a Joint Urgent Operational Needs Statement submitted to the Department of Defense in 2016 (and first reported by Defense One this month), U.S. Special Operations Command put in a request for $24 million in funding for 325 Lethal Miniature Aerial Missile Systems (LMAMS), precision-guided munitions intended to loiter above a battlefield before dive-bombing their targets below. | Get the Full Story

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Joy is a Spark, Literally, and Scientists Can Deliver it to You

PG Newser – If you want to be happy, if that’s all you want, and you don’t care why, and you don’t care how, try new spark joy, though it’s not been officially named spark joy, even though that would be a great name for it.  Researchers that haven’t  been identified in the Discover Magazine article have figured out how to make you happy with just a spark, and there’s video proof to boot.
Discover Magazine – Researchers say they’ve found a remarkably specific means of triggering the electrical fireworks that add up to happiness in our brains. By electrically stimulating a brain region known as the cingulum, scientists created spontaneous laughter and a sense of calm and joy in three different patients. | Get the Full Story

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MicroPenis Trap Upsets New Bride, Who Spills the Sausage on Reddit.

PG Newser – One day you wake up to learn that your wife decided to share on the public internets a story about your micropenis.  The story goes like this, you have a micropenis.  This happened   Not only did it happen, but the wife, your new wife, was asking her Reddit friends for advice.  What do you do when your manz has a micropenis and he didn’t tell you ahead of time?  Is he a microtrap?
Mirror UK- She felt he had lied and tricked her, so decided to share the story on Reddit to get some advice.But her husband found the post and is now terrified somebody will work out it’s about him, so is threatening to divorce and sue her. | Get the Full Story

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Honest Abe Trends on Twitter, and He’s Giving the Ladies the Vapors

He freed the slaves and then he freed the nipple, his own, all two of his own, and he did it on Twitter.  No, were’ not talking about Weinergate 2.o, we’re talking about Abraham Lincoln, whose shirtless image was shared on Twitter by Zach Stentz, who just wanted to remind the world that in the Los Angeles Courthouse there exists a shirtless Abraham Lincoln, a young, sexy, shirtless Abraham Lincoln. | Get the Full Story